update
i did netstat while it was trying to negotiate the tls/ssl session ... it does use the correct servers ip and port, so there must be something else wrong that I cant guess what is...I have tested it without the proxy and it flashfxp can list find over ssl with the ftp im testing it with, but over a proxy it has trouble listing, which should not make a difference since the client connects to the server with the given pasv response and not the other away around -- please advise! =\
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